I was doing pretty well,

or so I thought.

And today was okay, too. It was fine, really. And then, sometime in the evening, I just began crying, hysterically. I couldn't stop.

I have all this stuff to tell you. I finally watched the Hunger Games on Monday. Remember you said you were going to have the movie read to you?

On Saturday, I was getting breakfast with Sia in SD. We met a dog named Nikita. I think I felt an arrow pierce me when her owner told us her name.

I finally stopped work at the projector place! I rejected a potential permanent job offer. Hope I made the right choice. I now have extra time. My biggest concern is that I won't be distracted enough, and I'll spend too much time thinking about you.

Began my piano challenge for April on 4/3. I couldn't do it 4/1 cause I wasn't home, and I skipped 4/2 cause I was shy, but on 4/3 I decided, the hell with it. I was going to try and make up for the two lost days by doing an hour and a half, but I only made it to 40 minutes. I did 40 minutes today, too. I guess if I do 40 minutes six times, I can count the extra 10 minutes per day as my makeup.

Oh, and yesterday my dad started talking to me again. Well, only cause he had to; someone left him a voicemail for me from the insurance company. He got mad at me a few weeks ago, the week after I got back from your funeral, and I actually don't know why he was mad. My best guess it was because one night my sister and I both didn't get chopsticks for dinner. Since he's already not talking to her, I guess he moved his anger to me. I just thought I'd steer clear cause he was in a bad mood, but he started giving me the cold shoulder. Anyway, he started talking to me again yesterday.

I don't know why today suddenly became so hard. It's been hard every day, but tonight became extra challenging. I suspect it has to do with the entry I wrote. I don't have words anymore to describe how I feel. I miss you so much. Everything hurts, and everything is wrong. I'm frustrated. I want you to be alive. I'm so frustrated. You said you'd do your best to help me with any problems I have. My problem is that you're dead. Fix it.

I don't care if I sound immature. All I seem to do is whine, anyway. I'm so angry, Sho. I have a problem, and I want you to FIX IT. I just want to yell at you right now and throw things. I'm so angry. And I think I'm falling apart. I'm so tired. I'm exhausted.