my sign is vital, my hands are cold

"I'll wait for you."

It was nearly a year ago those words were uttered. I have not thought about them for a long time, but recently he has come up in my mind again. And I was thinking, thinking, why is it that when there is a future, it is linked to the past? Why did he come up? I do believe I am over it, and I don't much care because he has moved on.

But for some reason--the way he was acting toward me; going out of his way to be nice, normal, made me remember that we have a history, however hidden it may be. It's nice to know that he still cares about me, that even with a girlfriend and our ever present awkwardness he remembers I was once a part of his life.

And then I remembered that line.

And I think, I can admit, that it was my fault.

However socially inept he may have been, it was my fault for not knowing how to handle it. For not knowing how to deal with him. And I'm glad that I can learn from experience, as we all learn from each mistake we make. But I am also saddened that it had to be him to teach me, when I wish that he could have been the one I would face after having grown more. I'm glad that he's happy now. But we can't talk as friends. Whenever we are together it is with others. There is such a rift. I don't know what to do with it.

But the line--it struck me. I made him unpromise it, but I could never forget that he said it to me. I don't think any girl would forget it if a guy promised to wait for her. Sometimes I wish I had figured out sooner what I wanted to do with my life, because then I could have been here, where I belonged.

Sometimes I think, maybe in another life.

Close your eyes, clear your heart

Cut the cord.