A friend IMed me just now, asking the basic "How are you?" This isn't a particularly close friend or anything, but within seconds I was spewing out adjectives describing the multiple emotions running through my veins, which apparently aren't big enough and are thoroughly frustrating during blood donation attempts in the winter. Better luck next time. I'm chugging a gallon of water for sure.

Anyway. The last answer I came up with was "at a loss." That's me. At a loss. What's going through my head? I don't know what to do. My homework, yeah, to start, but writing a million papers is by no means an easy feat. Work? It's an okay pay, but nowhere near enough to really make it. I don't know what to do; I doubt the ease of finding a higher paying job, the ones that all my guy friends seem to be able to get without trouble. Winter fees are coming up soon, so I guess I'm pulling out loans again. I was saving up for Costa Rica, but I'm having doubts about CORE, and originally the deposit was due at the end of October, but they've postponed it. Maybe I should drop out; it would open up slots for other people, and it's not like I don't have a back-up. I just really wanted to go, but I think being with HH for Spring Break would also be an adequate option. It would mean spending the money on Winter Quarter instead of Spring Break, and thus borrowing less. Borrow.
What does it mean to be in debt?

For now, for them, I request nothing. I give it my all. I give them more than I can.

I refuse to let that affect my life to the point where I don't get to live.

I'm gambling betting on my future.



Really, I just want to sink into a puddle.