you're out of line
I totally remember why I hate this job. Not that I had forgotten. I'm just saying, the reasons are still there.
All crappy factors aside, the one I was most strongly reminded of last night was the fact that it is fucking freezing once the sun goes down. The good part about the winter, though, is that there are fewer idiots running in here at the last minute before I close up (and ergo throwing off the entire system) because it gets dark earlier, and people don't like doing chores when it's dark. The buzz dies down a little earlier. The city settles and becomes more quiet.
There are two upsides, actually. 1) I have strangers smiling at me all day, as long as I smile first. 2) It feels good to know that the money I spend will be the money I earn.
It seems inevitable, however, that whenever I am here, I find myself ignoring the homework in front of me and choosing instead to do a large amount of thinking. Pondering. You know, stuff I normally don't have time to spend doing. Currently there are two things on my mind. The former I had given some thought to, but it was actually just now that I've really let anything fall together.
Pardon my French, but go shove your sentiments up your ass. "Mean more to me," the fuck. I feel like...what kind of fucking bullshit is it, when I believed you, and I thought, follow me on this, I believed that all was well. And...what? It was all just crap that you spew out because I was there? You said it, but all your actions have proved to be the exact opposite. I had never felt more betrayed in my life, and I don't think you can blame me for this, but the feeling is still there. You did the unthinkable, and that's just so very wrong. And when I look back even further, I realize, that's just who you are. You don't mean what you say. You just screw your friends over, regardless of who they are, because honest to goodness, you don't give a damn. And it sucks, and I'm sorry to see it happen, and I'm sorry if nobody else sees it, but that's what it feels like. You don't care. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what it feels like.
Topic number two.
He said, he's still the same kid from before. Psh. The kid from before used to tell me he loved me.
Holding back, being vague, keeping secrets, though--that's what hasn't changed.
too much
of something
is still not
enough.
All crappy factors aside, the one I was most strongly reminded of last night was the fact that it is fucking freezing once the sun goes down. The good part about the winter, though, is that there are fewer idiots running in here at the last minute before I close up (and ergo throwing off the entire system) because it gets dark earlier, and people don't like doing chores when it's dark. The buzz dies down a little earlier. The city settles and becomes more quiet.
There are two upsides, actually. 1) I have strangers smiling at me all day, as long as I smile first. 2) It feels good to know that the money I spend will be the money I earn.
It seems inevitable, however, that whenever I am here, I find myself ignoring the homework in front of me and choosing instead to do a large amount of thinking. Pondering. You know, stuff I normally don't have time to spend doing. Currently there are two things on my mind. The former I had given some thought to, but it was actually just now that I've really let anything fall together.
Pardon my French, but go shove your sentiments up your ass. "Mean more to me," the fuck. I feel like...what kind of fucking bullshit is it, when I believed you, and I thought, follow me on this, I believed that all was well. And...what? It was all just crap that you spew out because I was there? You said it, but all your actions have proved to be the exact opposite. I had never felt more betrayed in my life, and I don't think you can blame me for this, but the feeling is still there. You did the unthinkable, and that's just so very wrong. And when I look back even further, I realize, that's just who you are. You don't mean what you say. You just screw your friends over, regardless of who they are, because honest to goodness, you don't give a damn. And it sucks, and I'm sorry to see it happen, and I'm sorry if nobody else sees it, but that's what it feels like. You don't care. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what it feels like.
Topic number two.
He said, he's still the same kid from before. Psh. The kid from before used to tell me he loved me.
Holding back, being vague, keeping secrets, though--that's what hasn't changed.
too much
of something
is still not
enough.
coming from a caroliine @ 23:54
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