honey, i'm home

THEY CUT MY HAIR, THOSE BASTARDS.

I wish I could have stayed longer.

I have never spent such a long period of time surrounded by so many Chinese people, speaking so much Chinglish for such a long duration. I've also never switched back and forth between Cantonese and Mandarin and English so often for such a long period of time, or strained so hard to understand Toi San, which was nearly impossible to decipher unless I had some vague idea of what they were trying to say.

But, damn.

We really only spent two days there, because Day 1 and Day 4 (Saturday and Tuesday) were spent flying. Sunday we went to Chinatown to eat brunch, and then we went back to Joey's place, where they were discussing the plans for the following day, and Margaret and her husband and I walked around the neighborhood a little and I took pictures of them. Then it started raining and I thought it was quite pleasant, and we went back to Joey's place, where there were more people talking about speeches, and I met the best man and found out I was maid of honor.

Later on in the evening they decided to make me try on the very pink dress. I was very cooperative, because my cousin is getting married and I don't want to make things difficult, but god damn was it pink. Really, really pink. And that fucking bow, agh!

After Luis's cousin left, I found myself helping him out with the table seatings. Then he fell asleep and Joey and I stayed up half the night fixing the name settings. Twas hell-ish.

We then had to wake up early the next morning, an unhappy idea for me because I had hoped that the trip would help me gain sleep, not lose it. We went to go get our hair did and THAT BITCH CUT MY HAIR. I didn't even open my mouth and snip snip. She first put it up in a half ponytail to the side and I thought, Ooh, I hope that's temporary, but it wasn't. And I thought okay, that's okay, I'm doing this for my cousin. Then she cut my bangs and I thought OH HELL NO BITCH, and I jumped out of my seat and beat the crap out of her with a blow dryer on full blast.

I jest, of course. Well, everything after the oh-hell-no-bitch. She cut the bottom with my permission, but it was the bangs that bugged me. On one side it became like one fucking inch. Damn Chinese people, they always think they know what looks "cute." I'll tell you what's cute is your face and my fist.

Feeling murderous, I continued to smile as they put on make-up. It wasn't too much, but when I looked in the mirror I had never felt more Asianized in my life. That was alright, though. We went home, got dolled up, and performed ceremonial wedding rituals where tea is poured and pictures are taken, gold is given and red envelopes received. We then progressed to the groom's place, where my cousin Joey once again changed and then repeated the ceremony to the elders on Luis's side of the family. Then some more pre-partying happened, we went to the restaurant, pumped balloons, took more pictures.

Guests began arriving, and among the list of things I've never done before, I've also never spent an hour standing next to a bride, smiling and shaking hands with strangers. (I got to wear a boutonnaire too, that was cool.) I've also never walked into a room on the arm of a tall Asian guy I've known for less than 24 hours, where all eyes are on us because we're being introduced, and I'm still smiling and feeling like little god damn Bo Peep. I think it was worse than Rachel in Friends because at least for her, she matched everybody else, whereas for me, the other bridesmaid got to wear her prom dress, which was darker and bow-less. But, I really liked the rose boutonnaire. =] The remainder of the evening was spent changing the bride's dresses, playing some horribly inappropriate bride/groom games, and taking oodles and oodles of pictures. We didn't get to eat much, which made me a little sad because the food looked good, but it appears that the food at the main table is not meant for eating; it's meant for packaging.

All in all though, it was really fun, however exhausting. I like the night there; it's dark but you're not about to get burnt. Actually now that I'm back in Cali it's pretty much the same.

Gah. What a shame. Giggle. Sigh.