it occurred to me today that my family is very factual when it comes to trauma. "oh, this this and this happened." It's *almost casual the way we discuss things, except not quite. there is little emotion to interfere with what needs to be done.

that is not to say that i'm not going to kill you, anyway, whoever you are, for having caused such inconvenience. like we haven't been through ENOUGH?

i've never actually told anybody that i was going to kill them.
i've said that other people will kill me. and that other people will kill other people. and sometimes other people say that i will kill somebody. but i've never actually spoken the words myself: "I'm going to kill you." i don't count "i'd tell you, but then i'd have to kill you." i guess the closest i've come would be "i'd have to gun you down and throw you into the creek." but even that was through aim.

man, so much precal. what have i been doing these past hours anyway?
anything but.