I finally got around to writing that letter for the Make-a-Wish Foundation from the JCA. My dad will write a new check for the additional money I got from James today, and then I'll send it in, and we're all set.
I was lying in bed the other night, feeling wide awake as my sister tapped away at the keyboard and I composed this entry in my head. Of course, I then proceeded to fall asleep, thus forgetting the general details that make an original entry beautiful, and so my thoughts diasappeared along with the dreams that I never remember. But that's okay, I started writing a bit of it down during chem yesterday, and it was mostly just a long series of "wowowowowowow," "jeeeez," an occasional overwhelmed exhale, and then a few "nevaaaaarrrrrr"s.
It's only an idea for now--one of many options that we could end up taking. All I know is, I want to stay. I know I bitch and gripe about Everything Wrong With Our School just as much as the next guy, but when push comes to shove, I wouldn't give up the next two years of my life for the world. I thought of how there are people who just cannot wait to hightail the fuck out of Fremont, and on occasion, I am one of them. But, to be honest--I still have two years left here. It can be a total shithole, but I'd rather be in this shithole than in any other one. I'm not ready to go. Not yet, not like this. I started here, I want to finish here. If I didn't have to start over, then yes, I would leave--but to give up all that I have going for me? No, I wouldn't do it. Badminton, JCA, my friends, my life. Start over? HA.
Anyway. My sister proposed an idea to my other sister and me. We haven't discussed it with our parents yet, because it's not urgent, but...it's an option. One path out of many that we could end up taking. Good Lord, think of the responsibility. I'm excited, but naturally, I'm SCARED SHITLESS, too. I have faith that it will all work out, and that my sisters and I might actually stand a chance at succeeding. It's a big weight to take on, but...if that's the way it goes...it is definitely worth it.
And, if not...
Well. There is more than one way to break a heart.
I was lying in bed the other night, feeling wide awake as my sister tapped away at the keyboard and I composed this entry in my head. Of course, I then proceeded to fall asleep, thus forgetting the general details that make an original entry beautiful, and so my thoughts diasappeared along with the dreams that I never remember. But that's okay, I started writing a bit of it down during chem yesterday, and it was mostly just a long series of "wowowowowowow," "jeeeez," an occasional overwhelmed exhale, and then a few "nevaaaaarrrrrr"s.
It's only an idea for now--one of many options that we could end up taking. All I know is, I want to stay. I know I bitch and gripe about Everything Wrong With Our School just as much as the next guy, but when push comes to shove, I wouldn't give up the next two years of my life for the world. I thought of how there are people who just cannot wait to hightail the fuck out of Fremont, and on occasion, I am one of them. But, to be honest--I still have two years left here. It can be a total shithole, but I'd rather be in this shithole than in any other one. I'm not ready to go. Not yet, not like this. I started here, I want to finish here. If I didn't have to start over, then yes, I would leave--but to give up all that I have going for me? No, I wouldn't do it. Badminton, JCA, my friends, my life. Start over? HA.
Anyway. My sister proposed an idea to my other sister and me. We haven't discussed it with our parents yet, because it's not urgent, but...it's an option. One path out of many that we could end up taking. Good Lord, think of the responsibility. I'm excited, but naturally, I'm SCARED SHITLESS, too. I have faith that it will all work out, and that my sisters and I might actually stand a chance at succeeding. It's a big weight to take on, but...if that's the way it goes...it is definitely worth it.
And, if not...
Well. There is more than one way to break a heart.
coming from a caroliine @ 20:28
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