I have come to the conclusion that the problem is not that I am (again) disappointed because I have been given an opportunity to do something I want to do but have found myself restricted from being able to do so; rather, the problem is that I just want too much.

I feel like I gave up a lot this summer, in terms of doing things that I wanted to do. Id est the China trip I spent the entire school year intent on going to. Promises broken and lies told. Hopes crushed. And then Canada, to make somebody else happy. I really wanted my first time out of the U.S. to be special, to be with friends because it could have been possible. But doing so made her happy. So I did it. I gave up something I really wanted. I gave up multiple things that I wanted. My idea of a vacation is not a tour. In fact, I've always looked down on them. Admittedly it was not the end of the world (we still have five years for that). And I had fun, considering the circumstances. But I still would not have done it if I hadn't been guilted into it.

So I guess I felt like...it was my turn?
Fuck that. Don't know what I was thinking.
I'm being selfish. Worse fates have occurred.