you CRIED for him.

I was recently reminded of this fact, and the subject of girls crying over guys came up again today.

I used to want to be able to say no, I've never cried for a guy, and after I did I thought that sucked, because--well, who wants to admit that they've cried over a guy?

For Chi, I can still believe that I didn't cry for him, but for me, because I had to be the one to do that to him, and that I was in a position to hurt him, and I couldn't keep lying anymore, so I did it.

But when I think about it, I guess I did cry for him, in a sense, because I was sorry to be losing him. I did want him to be a friend, and I was saddened to not have it work out. I guess my subconscious knew better than I did what the outcome would be.

This was two summers ago, so up till this April I still always felt as though I'd never really cried for a guy, until that stupid night when I sobbed my heart out like the world was ending, feeling like I'd been betrayed by some of the most important people in my life, when in reality, it pales in comparison to the problems of the rest of the world--nay, it's positively infinitesimal, and besides, what does it even mean?

But that's the truth--yes, I did cry for someone. It's nothing to be ashamed of, because yeah, I have been hurt in my life, and I have felt so strongly about someone that it made me feel so low when I learned what was going on that yeah, I cried. I'm not going to pretend that I've never felt that much emotion. I've cried for a guy in my life because I have felt that badly. Because it has hurt enough. I've cried for a girl, too; does that make it any different? Because she hurt me. Pain is pain. Betrayal is betrayal. What can I do, other than pretend it doesn't hurt? That's just a lie waiting to crack.