some days i want to quit, and just be normal for a bit

I have come to the understanding that not all relationships are meant to be, regardless of whether or not the two persons in question are attracted to each other. They might be the world's largest magnetic fields pulling toward each other, but if one or the other or perhaps both are not ready to be in a relationship, then you may as well flip the magnet.

I have enough trouble trying to figure out what goes on in my own head; I suppose it would be even more difficult for someone else to untangle threads they do not recognize and piece together a puzzle that has never learned to fit. I apologize, Rashelle, for having asked you to do so.

I wouldn't consider it to be a mistake, because I don't think we should regret the time that we did spend together. "Together." However, I don't suppose it was wise of me to consent to a third party. We were thereafter doomed to depend on one, no?

I'm falling for Fort Minor. Not the whole nine yards, but I'm liking most of what I hear. They're quite catchy. Believe Me.

It's weird how okay I am, really. I don't understand it. You know what I'm afraid of is being fucking bipolar or something. Like how I thought I had gotten what I had wanted, because I typically pursue said quests, but then I got so confused, you know? Except--I still have what I wanted, I just also have the consequences. But what did I expect, anyway? You see; you see how young I am, how little I know, how immature and foolish I have been. How cruel and heartless, for becoming exactly, exactly the person I promised never to be. How terrible. Oh yes, that poor, tragic, affected soul. Horse manure. Yeah, I really don't know why I am the way I am. Am I just really bad at relationships? It's like I can't keep my attention trained long enough. Or maybe I'm just always waiting to find someone who can be enough, like he was. I'm always expecting someone to be better, better, because I always put him as the standard. The what? And I mean, no one can ever beat that. The standard probably couldn't live up to it himself. Ha. Some standard, eh? Actually, that's true; he can't. The more I got to know him this year, the more he disappointed me.

Is it true that you only fall in love once? I hope not, because if so, then I'm pretty damn screwed.
Or maybe it's just simply not my time yet to be with anyone, and that's all there is to it.
Because really, all I wanted was to have fun. I'm almost positive that that isn't a crime.
I need to go back. Find out where I went astray. I bet it all traces back to him though. But wasn't I doing alright, anyway?

There's this really annoying song, where the girl keeps singing, "Do you think you're better off alone?" over and over and over again. There is perhaps one other line throughout the entire song that goes, "Talk to me." She also throws in a ooh-ooh-baby. Now that is creative genius, right there. No, ferrealz.
Anyway, I had a point. I'm not sure if the purpose of the song was to push perfectly normal people (i.e. me) toward the brink of, well, suicide, if one should have to listen to the entire thing in one sitting, but the depth of the single meaningful line did cross my mind as I sat there the other day, pondering the Meaning of Life, and, more importantly, my Life. Do I think I'm better off alone? I don't think "better off" is the appropriate term, but, yes, alone. I'm not talking about desolate solitude on a secluded island where my only friends are fluffy rabbits and deer, with perhaps a dank cave and a beast I am constantly on the run from in order to keep my life interesting--but, I digress: I love to be around people, and...well, I guess that's where the story ends. Perhaps that was a really shitty story, didn't even make it past Chapter One, but I think the rest of this stays between us, or just me, and maybe one day us.

Yesterday and today my boss let me drive her car. She's too awesome. I hit a curb today, and spooked myself. Approximately 8 months of a permit, 11 months of a license, but I have never before, ever hit a curb. She laughed at me, though. Have I mentioned that I quit the water store? I fucking hate that place, Verra. I've been cussing more than usual lately. Not that I gave any attempt to stop. I feel like I need to explain myself. Why?

this is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
fifteen percent concentrated power of will
five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
a hundred percent reason to remember the name.