say goodnight and go
happy birthday harneel.
let's talk about my day. i walked to lally's. party started off slow, played a little truth or dare and went to ardenwood. aron and i went to blockbusters to pick up a movie. it was supposed to be chick flick but he spotted some gross horror and just had to get it. then harneel called and she approved of it so i was like ah, fuck. turns out she didn't know what it was though. but it's all good, we didn't up watching anything. roy and i paused by the creek to see the graffti wall. he ran around to the end of the cave. we saw this girl running on the railroad. or maybe it was a guy. whatever, it was hella weird and a little creepy. i half expected some guy to show up and start shooting us. a little later the train came by, so we watched it and then we left. talked a little about college and stuff. i used to know you. odd, sounds like something i might have said. almost sentimental. truer words were ne'er uttered.
the last people sticking around were rashelle, jeff, fe, harneel and me. so we went to suju's. sat at a round table. i broke my cup. and we talked for a good hour plus. that was neat. real life. i enjoyed it. i like being in small groups. it makes everything more real.
--
11:58 pm: i have all my most provocative thoughts in the shower, the one place where i can't write them down. what did i want to talk about? drama. me as a guy. conditional love. conversation. i think i would really have fun being a guy. not to say that guys in general have fun being guys, but just that i, in particular, would have fun. i'd want to be a perfect gentleman. open doors. bow instead of curtsey. not that i don't love being a girl, though. i think i'd do one of those temporary experiments. and i'd use hella cheesy pick up lines, like the ones i use on tiff.
i like talking to people. just to talk in general. not in big groups, but one-on-one, or two or three. up to about six or seven, but not like twenty. i like to just talk and listen and observe. and know people. really know them.
i think the reason drama escalates to such a strong level in high school is because we're enclosed in a high school. it's an age where we're all intelligent enough to observe each other, discuss and let gossip become rumors. i mean, nowhere else in life does drama become as overpowering as in high school. junior high, two years. but in high school, we spend four years in one building. and we're all together. things are bound to circulate. later on in life, yes, things at the office, etc. but it's not the same, because you don't talk to those people all the time. i wonder if the quiet people have the right idea; to just stay out of everything.
these thoughts were so much more verbose and eloquent when i wasn't distracted and in front of the cp. maybe i'll rewrite them some time. i don't think i even finished what i wanted to say.
1:19 am: on drama still. it's because we spend so much of our time together, as high school students, and the same people talk to the same people, so stuff spreads. and there's no escape, either, because people are pretty much stuck where they are for four years. whereas in college and work, everything is more open. you branch out to the real word. there's drama, and then there's high school drama. it's like a different level. it's petty. immature. looked down upon. because when you have a job, you don't just talk to your coworkers, you have your friends outside of work that you kind of depend on, lean on to talk to. and the stuff you say to them about what goes on at work does not circulate, because they're people from two different crowds who don't interact. there's a barrier, unless people are introduced or whatever, but for the most part, it's like being able to talk without concern for potential drama.
i watched the children scurry in circles around a two-way mirror, worrying about
which side of the glass projects the reflection clearer?
let's talk about my day. i walked to lally's. party started off slow, played a little truth or dare and went to ardenwood. aron and i went to blockbusters to pick up a movie. it was supposed to be chick flick but he spotted some gross horror and just had to get it. then harneel called and she approved of it so i was like ah, fuck. turns out she didn't know what it was though. but it's all good, we didn't up watching anything. roy and i paused by the creek to see the graffti wall. he ran around to the end of the cave. we saw this girl running on the railroad. or maybe it was a guy. whatever, it was hella weird and a little creepy. i half expected some guy to show up and start shooting us. a little later the train came by, so we watched it and then we left. talked a little about college and stuff. i used to know you. odd, sounds like something i might have said. almost sentimental. truer words were ne'er uttered.
the last people sticking around were rashelle, jeff, fe, harneel and me. so we went to suju's. sat at a round table. i broke my cup. and we talked for a good hour plus. that was neat. real life. i enjoyed it. i like being in small groups. it makes everything more real.
--
11:58 pm: i have all my most provocative thoughts in the shower, the one place where i can't write them down. what did i want to talk about? drama. me as a guy. conditional love. conversation. i think i would really have fun being a guy. not to say that guys in general have fun being guys, but just that i, in particular, would have fun. i'd want to be a perfect gentleman. open doors. bow instead of curtsey. not that i don't love being a girl, though. i think i'd do one of those temporary experiments. and i'd use hella cheesy pick up lines, like the ones i use on tiff.
i like talking to people. just to talk in general. not in big groups, but one-on-one, or two or three. up to about six or seven, but not like twenty. i like to just talk and listen and observe. and know people. really know them.
i think the reason drama escalates to such a strong level in high school is because we're enclosed in a high school. it's an age where we're all intelligent enough to observe each other, discuss and let gossip become rumors. i mean, nowhere else in life does drama become as overpowering as in high school. junior high, two years. but in high school, we spend four years in one building. and we're all together. things are bound to circulate. later on in life, yes, things at the office, etc. but it's not the same, because you don't talk to those people all the time. i wonder if the quiet people have the right idea; to just stay out of everything.
these thoughts were so much more verbose and eloquent when i wasn't distracted and in front of the cp. maybe i'll rewrite them some time. i don't think i even finished what i wanted to say.
1:19 am: on drama still. it's because we spend so much of our time together, as high school students, and the same people talk to the same people, so stuff spreads. and there's no escape, either, because people are pretty much stuck where they are for four years. whereas in college and work, everything is more open. you branch out to the real word. there's drama, and then there's high school drama. it's like a different level. it's petty. immature. looked down upon. because when you have a job, you don't just talk to your coworkers, you have your friends outside of work that you kind of depend on, lean on to talk to. and the stuff you say to them about what goes on at work does not circulate, because they're people from two different crowds who don't interact. there's a barrier, unless people are introduced or whatever, but for the most part, it's like being able to talk without concern for potential drama.
i watched the children scurry in circles around a two-way mirror, worrying about
which side of the glass projects the reflection clearer?
coming from a caroliine @ 22:37
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