i woke up this morning with a clearer head.
i'm not really angry. or maybe i'm just tired.
regardless, i don't think i could yell.
i called. no answer. i fell asleep so i missed the return.
there's so much i want to say to you,
i'm afraid if i don't write it all down i'll forget.
like, do you ever have anything nice to say about anyone?
do you ever NOT JUDGE a person?
it's just so fucking harsh.
or maybe it just feels like that to me because it's coming from you.
and
there's more, there's a lot more, but i can't think right now.
it's down somewhere.
i should go. i don't have a ride.
i was going to bike originally,
but i think i'll walk instead.
i need some time.

--

12:45 am, sunday 5/28:
do you ever just give, and expect nothing in return?
it seems as thought your love is almost conditonal.
almost, but not quite.
but everything you do, you always expect some sort of...equilibrium.
like, oh, i did this, this, and this, why the fuck can't she do this for me?
i don't know, but isn't that kind of selfish? you're supposed to give and give and not expect to receive anything in return.
or maybe you're just being a typical guy.
makes me think of the guys who want a girl to have sex, because they took them out for a movie or something. paid for dinner. "now i owe him something." bullshit.
you're like a guy who wants love because you loved. who wants a return, because you gave.
well that's not the way it works.
you give because you have no choice. no one owes you anything.
anything at all.