the night air will make so many things clear

i finished mama day. i didn't cry, but i do feel upset.

my favorite passage:

Those books I bought horrified me. Women stayed on an emotional roller coaster: between being premenstrual, postmenstrual, and menstrual, they were normal only about seventy-two hours out of each month. That seemed a bit impossible to me: I'd watch you go about your day and wonder how you even managed to lift your head off the pillow if you were fighting that kind of battle with your hormones. Because you were saints, one female doctor kept harping, and just imagine how much more you'd excel if you didn't have your nerves getting on your nerves, and men getting on your nerves. I found the whole philosophy of that particular book ridiculous. Every time you snapped at me or refused to be reasonable, it wasn't you-- it was your estrogen. No, I had met women who were simply miserable human beings, and this doctor had nothing to say about personalities. I made sure the next thing I read was written by a man. It was the same slew of depressing charts with another ongoing plea for tolerance: you were all, indeed, shrews through no fault of your own and men should try to be supportive. The inequality of our social system intensified your innate envy of us... It became clear to me that I was never going to find a totally objective guide to what was going on inside of females, I was on my own. The goal was simple: I wanted to make you happy. And when you were irritable, I thought the easiest way would be to ask if it was something I was doing or that your body was doing: Are you premenstrual today, sweetheart? We got into some awful fights that way... How was I going to understand if I didn't ask? No, I found out very quickly that when living with a woman, the shortest distance between two points is by way of China.