9 - 25
Screw 20, there's more. A few repeats, to be sure, but not without reason.
It took me several sittings and many hours of procrastination, and I might still have some revisions, but--I finally finished:
9: You taught me to try. If not for you, I never would have learned to take a risk. You never tried to teach me, but you did, and I have perhaps learned from you more than I have ever learned from anyone else. It was because of what happened, but more importantly, what never happened between us, that I am the person I am today. Thank you, for teaching me to have guts, and to go for it. You don't even know what you have done for me, but...if I had never gone through what I went through with you...well, I don't know. All I can say is that I wouldn't be the same. There was a point in my life when all I could think of was you, and I swore that if I could see you one more time I would never let go. But that's not me anymore. I'm sorry that we were too late, but it's okay. I can't really say I'm still missing you, because I don't really spend much time thinking of you at all. And it's all good, because we're both doing fine without each other. It's only natural. I hope that you lead a good life. I'll see you again in a year, okay? ^__^
10: You are one of my best friends. I've known you for years and years, but we never really started talking until 7th grade, and we've been best friends ever since, despite all our chaotic, mud-flinging, eye-scratching, tear-this-wall-apart fights. It was because of those fights that we stand where we are now. They changed us, bettered us, improved us. They made us stronger. I love hanging out with you, even though I rarely see you, and I love the good times we've shared. Perhaps we've drifted, but I can always depend on you to be someone that I can have a good intellectual brawl with, and it's always nice to find someone who will agree with me and understand things that other people discourage. Let's go spend a penny with some regular pentagons.
11: I love you. You are one of the biggest idiots I've ever met, and I love that I can verbally abuse you like that. =D We met in eighth grade, but we never started talking until...badminton, I think? We grew closer this year. Honestly, I never thought I'd be calling you one of my closest friends. But then, I never thought I'd be calling you a dork quite so fondly, either. I love hanging out with you. PERIOD.
12: No one else laughs with me like you do. I feel for you. I hate when you hurt. I hate that you have to put up with the shit that your mom gives you, and I hate that I can't help you. I don't consider myself to have much strength, but if I could give you all that I have, I would do it. We don't have a relationship where I could say this and you wouldn't think it were cheesy, but I hope that you know how much I love you anyway.
13: You came too soon, and I wasn't ready for you. I wasn't ready for anyone. I could have been, but I wasn't, and it would have been unfair to you. I'm sorry for what never happened. But you're happy now, and I'm happy for you.
14: I never see you now, but I enjoy talking to you when I do, and I'm glad that you're doing well. Thank you, with my whole heart, for being one of the greatest friends that I could have ever asked for. I'll trust you to know that I mean it.
15: I've watched you change. I love who you are--not that I didn't love who you were before. You've grown up. I'm not saying that to sound like I'm older or anything, I'm just observing. I really don't know what to say, other than that you are a wonderful friend, whom I know I can count on. I believe that you are also quite brilliant. Sometimes I feel a bit uncertain about what you think of me. You're a good friend to talk to, and I'm grateful for your existence.
16: You laugh, and I know that you're sad inside. I would tell you that your smile doesn't quite reach your eyes, but you already know that. I love you, for having such a great outlook on your life. ::flips you off:: Haha. I love how, if I do that to anyone else, they don't understand it. Something in you changed. I'm not sure what, but you've suddenly decided that the good things in life outweigh the bad, and I'm impressed. I hope that one day, you won't need to turn away.
17: I met you just last year. I love laughing with you. At you. Same difference. We don't tell each other everything, but I love having you for a friend. You have this psychotic laugh. I love talking to you...and drawing line graphs with you...L.
18: I got this insanely huge crush on you about a little less than a year ago. I mean, it swallowed me up. I was nervous around you; I could barely open my mouth for fear of saying something stupid or boring that might make you write me off as just another typical girl. Every time you signed on I wanted to IM you, but, again, the possibilities of pushing you away were too high. I wanted to get to know you, yet I didn't dare to. The thing is, it was a crush. I didn't fall head over heels in love with you; I crushed on you. I never could talk to you and be comfortable around you. I was always acutely aware of exactly where you were, how near you were to me, what the conversation topic was, whether or not my words could impress you...I really don't know what goes on in your head. We've become better friends, but we still don't really know each other very well at all.
I remember your birthday, and how the thing I was looking forward to the most was the chance to give you a hug at the end of the night. Then I kept wondering if you had invited me because you wanted to, or if you had simply decided you didn't mind me, and you wanted more girls there so that we wouldn't feel out of place. I was interested in you at the time, but I hadn't realized that I liked you yet--my interest grew at your party, though I'm not sure why because it's not like we even talked very much, but I decided you were the coolest guy I knew, and afterward I severed my ties more clearly to allow myself to think of you as much as I wanted. Later on in June, a friend asked me to a dance and I said yes, but then I realized that I really didn't want to go with anyone unless it were with you. A month or so later, you offered me one of the best days of my summer, and I took it. I went crazy over the planning because it was a mess and I didn't want to make a bad impression, but you were cool about it. The day came, and I was wary at first because shit always happens, but it really turned out to be a terrific day. I love your personality--you're funny, laid-back, and bloody brilliant. I have to face it, though--we just don't click. Maybe someday we will, but I'm not too concerned about it. I'm glad to have you as a friend, because..."we're cool like that."
avril lavigne: things i'll never say
19: Thank you, for being the most optmistic person that I know. I think that is one of the things about you that I admire the most. I asked you once if I could call you my brother, but I think you're more of a brother-in-law, because we're not super super close. I have so much faith in you. You're one of those people who can bounce back no matter what. It's because of your constant optimism that I believe you can make it through anything. You have this mind-blowing ability to heal, or to at least put a bandage on, instead of sitting there watching the blood flow. You will bleed and you will scar, but you will live. I know that you're only human, but to me, you're unbreakable.
20: You have this casual attitude about the world and life and generosity. I think you're someone dependable, and I hope that life will treat you justly. I want you to find happiness. You're always at peace with life; you're never angry. It's refreshing. You like getting out, and I think it's cool of you to drive people around. Or let them drive around. =P ::points to self and decides not to brake, just to make you nervous::
21: How many gumballs did you take? I love you. You make me laugh. I love making fun of you, too. I'm so glad I met you, even if you laughed more than I thought possible on the first day of junior high. I can't imagine what these past years would have been like without you. All those days that one of us needed to vent... You are someone to lean on, and I love that we always talk even though we never see each other. I don't think I need to explain this here. I love you, plain and simple. SECURITY!
22: I was glad to discover that it was mutual. It means that I never hurt you, and vice versa. Haha. We had some really good times, even though we've only seen each other like...three or four times? I never really expected to end up talking to you so much. We both see that there is more than meets the eye. I really did enjoy talking to you and hanging out with you, however briefly. Thank you for being a great friend.
23: I want to know you better. You seem as though you've been through more pain and grief in love than you should have. I wish life would stop screwing you over.
24: I don't really know what to say to you. Ask me a question, and I'll answer it to the extent of my knowledge. I might have to get back to you on that. I don't know what the world is. It doesn't have to be such a big world. Don't think of it in terms of the world; it's the simple things in life we forget.
25: Maybe I believed in you too much. Not that you disappointed me. I don't think you could ever do that. I have a confession: I want to be like you. But I'm not. I can accept that. I wonder if some things might be different if I could have fallen for you sooner. It doesn't bother me, though, because that's history, and I wouldn't change it even if I could. What I went through before I fell for you--I always learned something, and I wouldn't give it up, even if it meant that our paths had crossed while I was looking the other way. Thank you for being kind, and for never being an asshole, no matter how much a part of me wanted you to be. Play another slow jam, this time make it sweet.
twenty-five:
michelle branch: all you wanted
usher & monica: slow jam
savage garden: chained to you
dashboard confessionals: hands down
YELLOWCARD: INSIDE OUT
yellowcard: only one
scene 23: the greatest
mario: let me love you
eve6: inside out
vertical horizon: everything you want
ashlee simpson: pieces of me
the calling & santana: why don't you and i
vanessa carlton: 1000 miles
yellowcard: one year six months
linkin park: don't stay
puddle of mudd: blurry
daniel beddingfield: gotta get through this
vertical horizon: shackled
vertical horizon/tracy chapman: fast car
sixpence none the richer: kiss me
b44: endlessly
It took me several sittings and many hours of procrastination, and I might still have some revisions, but--I finally finished:
9: You taught me to try. If not for you, I never would have learned to take a risk. You never tried to teach me, but you did, and I have perhaps learned from you more than I have ever learned from anyone else. It was because of what happened, but more importantly, what never happened between us, that I am the person I am today. Thank you, for teaching me to have guts, and to go for it. You don't even know what you have done for me, but...if I had never gone through what I went through with you...well, I don't know. All I can say is that I wouldn't be the same. There was a point in my life when all I could think of was you, and I swore that if I could see you one more time I would never let go. But that's not me anymore. I'm sorry that we were too late, but it's okay. I can't really say I'm still missing you, because I don't really spend much time thinking of you at all. And it's all good, because we're both doing fine without each other. It's only natural. I hope that you lead a good life. I'll see you again in a year, okay? ^__^
10: You are one of my best friends. I've known you for years and years, but we never really started talking until 7th grade, and we've been best friends ever since, despite all our chaotic, mud-flinging, eye-scratching, tear-this-wall-apart fights. It was because of those fights that we stand where we are now. They changed us, bettered us, improved us. They made us stronger. I love hanging out with you, even though I rarely see you, and I love the good times we've shared. Perhaps we've drifted, but I can always depend on you to be someone that I can have a good intellectual brawl with, and it's always nice to find someone who will agree with me and understand things that other people discourage. Let's go spend a penny with some regular pentagons.
11: I love you. You are one of the biggest idiots I've ever met, and I love that I can verbally abuse you like that. =D We met in eighth grade, but we never started talking until...badminton, I think? We grew closer this year. Honestly, I never thought I'd be calling you one of my closest friends. But then, I never thought I'd be calling you a dork quite so fondly, either. I love hanging out with you. PERIOD.
12: No one else laughs with me like you do. I feel for you. I hate when you hurt. I hate that you have to put up with the shit that your mom gives you, and I hate that I can't help you. I don't consider myself to have much strength, but if I could give you all that I have, I would do it. We don't have a relationship where I could say this and you wouldn't think it were cheesy, but I hope that you know how much I love you anyway.
13: You came too soon, and I wasn't ready for you. I wasn't ready for anyone. I could have been, but I wasn't, and it would have been unfair to you. I'm sorry for what never happened. But you're happy now, and I'm happy for you.
14: I never see you now, but I enjoy talking to you when I do, and I'm glad that you're doing well. Thank you, with my whole heart, for being one of the greatest friends that I could have ever asked for. I'll trust you to know that I mean it.
15: I've watched you change. I love who you are--not that I didn't love who you were before. You've grown up. I'm not saying that to sound like I'm older or anything, I'm just observing. I really don't know what to say, other than that you are a wonderful friend, whom I know I can count on. I believe that you are also quite brilliant. Sometimes I feel a bit uncertain about what you think of me. You're a good friend to talk to, and I'm grateful for your existence.
16: You laugh, and I know that you're sad inside. I would tell you that your smile doesn't quite reach your eyes, but you already know that. I love you, for having such a great outlook on your life. ::flips you off:: Haha. I love how, if I do that to anyone else, they don't understand it. Something in you changed. I'm not sure what, but you've suddenly decided that the good things in life outweigh the bad, and I'm impressed. I hope that one day, you won't need to turn away.
17: I met you just last year. I love laughing with you. At you. Same difference. We don't tell each other everything, but I love having you for a friend. You have this psychotic laugh. I love talking to you...and drawing line graphs with you...L.
18: I got this insanely huge crush on you about a little less than a year ago. I mean, it swallowed me up. I was nervous around you; I could barely open my mouth for fear of saying something stupid or boring that might make you write me off as just another typical girl. Every time you signed on I wanted to IM you, but, again, the possibilities of pushing you away were too high. I wanted to get to know you, yet I didn't dare to. The thing is, it was a crush. I didn't fall head over heels in love with you; I crushed on you. I never could talk to you and be comfortable around you. I was always acutely aware of exactly where you were, how near you were to me, what the conversation topic was, whether or not my words could impress you...I really don't know what goes on in your head. We've become better friends, but we still don't really know each other very well at all.
I remember your birthday, and how the thing I was looking forward to the most was the chance to give you a hug at the end of the night. Then I kept wondering if you had invited me because you wanted to, or if you had simply decided you didn't mind me, and you wanted more girls there so that we wouldn't feel out of place. I was interested in you at the time, but I hadn't realized that I liked you yet--my interest grew at your party, though I'm not sure why because it's not like we even talked very much, but I decided you were the coolest guy I knew, and afterward I severed my ties more clearly to allow myself to think of you as much as I wanted. Later on in June, a friend asked me to a dance and I said yes, but then I realized that I really didn't want to go with anyone unless it were with you. A month or so later, you offered me one of the best days of my summer, and I took it. I went crazy over the planning because it was a mess and I didn't want to make a bad impression, but you were cool about it. The day came, and I was wary at first because shit always happens, but it really turned out to be a terrific day. I love your personality--you're funny, laid-back, and bloody brilliant. I have to face it, though--we just don't click. Maybe someday we will, but I'm not too concerned about it. I'm glad to have you as a friend, because..."we're cool like that."
avril lavigne: things i'll never say
19: Thank you, for being the most optmistic person that I know. I think that is one of the things about you that I admire the most. I asked you once if I could call you my brother, but I think you're more of a brother-in-law, because we're not super super close. I have so much faith in you. You're one of those people who can bounce back no matter what. It's because of your constant optimism that I believe you can make it through anything. You have this mind-blowing ability to heal, or to at least put a bandage on, instead of sitting there watching the blood flow. You will bleed and you will scar, but you will live. I know that you're only human, but to me, you're unbreakable.
20: You have this casual attitude about the world and life and generosity. I think you're someone dependable, and I hope that life will treat you justly. I want you to find happiness. You're always at peace with life; you're never angry. It's refreshing. You like getting out, and I think it's cool of you to drive people around. Or let them drive around. =P ::points to self and decides not to brake, just to make you nervous::
21: How many gumballs did you take? I love you. You make me laugh. I love making fun of you, too. I'm so glad I met you, even if you laughed more than I thought possible on the first day of junior high. I can't imagine what these past years would have been like without you. All those days that one of us needed to vent... You are someone to lean on, and I love that we always talk even though we never see each other. I don't think I need to explain this here. I love you, plain and simple. SECURITY!
22: I was glad to discover that it was mutual. It means that I never hurt you, and vice versa. Haha. We had some really good times, even though we've only seen each other like...three or four times? I never really expected to end up talking to you so much. We both see that there is more than meets the eye. I really did enjoy talking to you and hanging out with you, however briefly. Thank you for being a great friend.
23: I want to know you better. You seem as though you've been through more pain and grief in love than you should have. I wish life would stop screwing you over.
24: I don't really know what to say to you. Ask me a question, and I'll answer it to the extent of my knowledge. I might have to get back to you on that. I don't know what the world is. It doesn't have to be such a big world. Don't think of it in terms of the world; it's the simple things in life we forget.
25: Maybe I believed in you too much. Not that you disappointed me. I don't think you could ever do that. I have a confession: I want to be like you. But I'm not. I can accept that. I wonder if some things might be different if I could have fallen for you sooner. It doesn't bother me, though, because that's history, and I wouldn't change it even if I could. What I went through before I fell for you--I always learned something, and I wouldn't give it up, even if it meant that our paths had crossed while I was looking the other way. Thank you for being kind, and for never being an asshole, no matter how much a part of me wanted you to be. Play another slow jam, this time make it sweet.
twenty-five:
michelle branch: all you wanted
usher & monica: slow jam
savage garden: chained to you
dashboard confessionals: hands down
YELLOWCARD: INSIDE OUT
yellowcard: only one
scene 23: the greatest
mario: let me love you
eve6: inside out
vertical horizon: everything you want
ashlee simpson: pieces of me
the calling & santana: why don't you and i
vanessa carlton: 1000 miles
yellowcard: one year six months
linkin park: don't stay
puddle of mudd: blurry
daniel beddingfield: gotta get through this
vertical horizon: shackled
vertical horizon/tracy chapman: fast car
sixpence none the richer: kiss me
b44: endlessly
coming from a caroliine @ 15:04
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