letting go of all i've held on to

i break and i fall or i stumble and trip and i always get back up but to do that first i need to fall.

it's like the tension in a rubberband. you pull and you pull and you pull and then it...

snaps.

i don't know what to tell you. i could reaccount all that's been cumulating. uh. getting pissed off at the stalker ep. stress over homework and work, falling behind in classes. the business last week with the school. seeing her and feeling inexplicably betrayed, somehow. we have not spoken in weeks. things add up. why do i feel like we're strangers now?

why are you a stranger to me?
god, fucking, damn it.
she doesn't care.
this is nothing to you, and it could be nothing to me, but i can't help wondering:
in the end, will we still be this way?

i feel as though if i admit my fears, the both of you will look at me as though i am caring much more than you ever could, and hating the situation much more than you ever will.
i feel as though we were those walls.
demolished.
once standing.
or was i the only one who saw it?


you know, this isn't something that i say very often, or maybe even at all, but...

I need you to be here for me.